I lay in the darkest, allowing parts of me to speak what I chose to ignore.
A replica of me emerges from the core center of my body.
Hurt and anger filled her eyes while mines show shock and fear. The replica leaned in and whispered the following.
“Honor me.”
“Listen to me.”
“Am I not part of you? So why do you hide me? Why do you not acknowledge me?”
I open my mouth to speak – silence filled the air; butterflies filled my stomach.
Anxiety slowly crept up from behind. All I could see was a wide grin on its face while I felt its long sharp hands grip the side of my waist, squeezing me tight, removing the air from within.
I look at my replica for help.
“Please,” that’s all I could say. A tear left the corner of my right eye.
“Am I not part of you? Why do you hide me? Why do you ignore me? I try to help you, and you banish me. Why? Why do you punish me?! Do you not love me!”
She begins to cry. I begin to cry, doing my best gasping for air.
“FORGIVE ME” I screamed
Anxiety stopped, the broad grin turned to a frown; the pause allowed me to feel what I never felt before.
A spark between the heart and throat caught my attention. Intuitively I knew what to do; it was time I spoke my truth.
I closed my eyes while tears roll down my face.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“I’m sorry for not listening to you.”
“I’m sorry for punishing you and ignoring you.”
“What I did to you was not ok; how I treated you was not ok.”
Anxiety began to hiss and slowly drifted away, removing its long sharp fingers from my waist.
“I’ll be back” was its final word before vanishing completely.
I looked at my replica while she looked at me.
“You are my shadow, and I must honor you. You only come out if I need to check in with myself. I hide you because I’m scared of the truth. I banish you because I rather not believe the reality of what I’m seeing.”
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
A small smile appeared on the replica face.
“I’ve already forgiven you. I needed you to forgive yourself.”
Silence filled the air.
The butterflies disappeared.
Before I left the space. I closed my eyes and said the following
“I will honor myself.”
“I will listen.”
“The parts ignore are parts of who I am
“I will not hide who.”
“I will acknowledge every piece because it completes me.”
